How to Be a Dick in a Banshee



Now, look. I didn't really want to do this, but there it is. And there's one last little thing that didn't even warrant inclusion there, so I'm just going to put it here.

I'm speaking, of course, of

How to Be a Dick in a Banshee

See, you play enough, often with people who really just... don't get the juices flowing, and a certain disturbingly sadistic side comes out. Maybe it's just me. But it's there and you find yourself basically toying with folks like a cat with a mouse. Consider this my confession. I'm not going to say that I've done everything here, but I've done everything here.

It should be observed that a number of these are actually useful techniques in and of themselves. Also, the first three of these are basically products of goatrope's depraved mind.

Dismount Crushes

Fly towards bad guy. Leap out of Banshee. Allow Banshee to crush bad guy.

USEFULNESS: 8. A valid tactic in its own right.

DICKERY: 6. Mainly just confusing, it's mostly annoying when you don't know how to deal with it and keep getting killed by it. If you do it really well, though, they'll get Vehicle Killed, and that can cause a suicide count, which rules.

Weapon Switcheroos

On foot, fire at Banshee with pistol. Attract attention. Wait until it gets close, trying to crush you, then pull rocket launcher and blast it.

Actually, just always carry a rocket launcher, but never show it to anybody. Make everyone (especially vector) assume you have one hidden up your ass or something.

USEFULNESS: 8. A valid tactic in its own right.

DICKERY: 7. Can jump to a 9 if you proceed to taunt mercilessly after the kill.

Moving Shades

Especially valuable on Death Island. Get in your Banshee. Settle your nose into one of the Shades on the side peninsulas next to each base. Push. The turret will slowly move until it has blocked the teleporter exit.

USEFULNESS: 3. The turret will respawn before very long.

DICKERY: n. Not especially annoying, but completely and totally confounding. You can't friggin move Shades.


Engage in a wicked, cutthroat dogfight with some poor sap. Between shots, pop up in the air in a safe spot, and while they try to reacquire and kill you, type a line of chat, either to them or to some third player, and send it before you hit the ground. Continue this throughout the whole battle until you finish the conversation (and proceed to promptly kill them), or until they just die along the way.

USEFULNESS: 4. Basically only "useful" if you can't wait to have your chat.

DICKERY: 9. Staggeringly annoying.


If you are right-handed, place your mouse on the left side of the keyboard. If you are left-handed, kill yourself. Play for hours with the mouse in your off hand. Do not mention it unless someone starts complaining about unfair teams or something similar.

USEFULNESS: 4. Handy if you ever get your hand chopped off by a prostitute's ninja star, I guess.

DICKERY: 7. More of an invisible taunt. Good for giggles.

Vehicular headaches

Watch as bad guy runs across map, finally reaches vehicle, and attempts to enter it. Fire fuel rod and flip it over. Let him right it and try to enter again. Flip it over. Repeat as needed. If you are an especially cheerful individual, finish at last by flipping it off a cliff. Then kill him. Have a cigarette.

USEFULNESS: 3. There is no sane reason for doing this over and over and over.

DICKERY: 9. A masterwork of assitude.

Vehicular weaponry

Watch as bad guy runs across map, finally reaches vehicle, and attempts to enter it. Fire fuel rod and flip it onto him, flattening him into Master Pancake. Deliver wry wit.

USEFULNESS: 6. It's one way to kill them, I guess.

DICKERY: 8. Pretty upsetting.

Extended vehicular weaponry

Observe bad guy and a random, unmanned vehicle some distance away. Use fuel rods and ramming to move the vehicle toward the bad guy until it gets near, then hover somewhere and use repeated fuel rods to try and blow the vehicle into them. Best when they're just trying to desperately run away, while you chase them endlessly with a poor puppet Warthog. Continue until you succeed or until you get bored, then just kill them unceremoniously. Say nothing.

USEFULNESS: 0. What are you, a jerk?

DICKERY: 8. Would be much higher but any opponent bad enough to let you do this usually doesn't even know what's going on.


Land in front of a bad guy and get out, keeping the Banshee between the two of you. Dodge back and forth as he fires at you, using the parked Banshee as a shield. Continue as long as possible; if he flips it over with a grenade, right it and keep going. Do not fire. Once you get bored, crouch and shoot a rocket under the Banshee, killing him.

USEFULNESS: 1. I hate you.

DICKERY: 8. Not meant for humans.

Sin of Temptation

Land Banshee in front of cognitive reject. Back off. Watch as a lightbulb sparks over his head and he decides to get in your Banshee and take off. Fire rocket into his useless sack of genes as soon as he does.

USEFULNESS: 6. Legitimate enough if you're fighting Cro-magnons.

DICKERY: 3. Seems almost like a mercy kill.


Engage in cutthroat dogfight. Kill bad guy with no fuel rods. Alternately: kill bad guy with no plasma. Alternately: do not kill bad guy, just fly around him in circles avoiding his fire.

USEFULNESS: 7. These are actually good training drills.

DICKERY: 6. Depends on whether the other guy knows what you're doing.

The Roadblock

In CTF game, capture every flag to win but one. Grab the last flag, fly up over the enemy base, and issue a challenge. Kill everyone who comes near you.

USEFULNESS: 5. Good for practice, I guess. Or for running up your kills. Worthless for winning a game.

DICKERY: 8. Basically pure evil if people actually want to play.

The energy conservationist

Engage in dogfight or against infantry. Take them to within a hair of their death. Then fire a single shot of plasma into them, making them keel over dead. Repeat the plasma as needed if you misjudged.

USEFULNESS: 2. Pretty dumb.

DICKERY: 6. Sort of a subtle, postmodern kind of mockery.

The Asshole

Join a Christian server as "Judas" and TK. Join a Japanese server as "Hiroshima" and make deadpan gallows jokes as you kill everyone. Join a "girlz plz join" game as "boy george" and make vaguely homoerotic comments. Join a cowboy server as "Jack Twist." Etc.


DICKERY: 10. You are an asshole.

-- vector



LOL! I should try those soon:).

Hey dude,

This is the funniest 5hit to do in a Banshee, ive tried it all and most of it worked. The funniest is to play CTF and fly around with the flag, i made no anti-air guns and everybodly left, they all got dissed soooo much!!!
Thanx for the tips, you are truly an Asshole.

Skull-Seeker 4 life!!!

haha, i like The Asshole a lot.

i'm already a Switcheroo. gonna try the flipping ones later.