The Escapist, of course, can't just say whether it likes a game or not, it has to intellectualize the process:

Story-wise, it's pulp. Pure, uninspired, contrived, hokey sci-fi pulp, which, if you're fresh off the "BioShock blew my mind, games really are art" boat, will make you want to curl up and die. But let's not kid ourselves: Halo is the story of a cyborg with a curvaceous hologram inside his head, a race of Predator look-a-likes (and their subjugated alien minorities) and an interstellar zombie horde. Yes, there could, perhaps, be a finely-crafted, leather-bound story hidden within those shallow waters, but anyone truly expecting that entity to emerge fully formed from the head of Halo is probably high.

Dude! Wait... what?