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Halo 3 Should Be More Like Pokemon Snap

When I played through Halo 3, all I got was a bitter taste in my mouth from sucking on my neighbors lemons, who forced me to allow him to play with me. Halo 3 is crap, I am trading it in for Pokemon Snap, aka the World's Greatest Game. I'll have none of this [b]unrealistic gameplay burning my eyes any longer,[/b] and I'm here to save you before it's too late.

First of all, Halo contains more factual errors than any other game in the world. Here are some:

-Master Chief's girlfriend, Cortana, is a hologram. If we were all like Master Chief the world would die because you can't have sex with lights and metal.

-In real life, to do destroy a ring you need to throw it into the Fires of Mount doom. In Halo, you do not.

-Bungie has led us to believe that grunts are dogs with jet packs, yet I see no evidence of this in real life. I tried to dress up my dog like a grunt and it didn't work. So I broke it's legs, and it still didn't work. Nice going Bungie, you killed my dog.

-Apes don't dress up like the Brute Cheiftains. Just doesn't happen. I don't know what Bungie was thinking, but in reality, we can't ACTUALLY make apes dress up and shoot lasers.

-The Mjolnir armor has a small crotch. If I take myself as an example, being 5"9 and 10" long, I'd need a bigger crotch. Master Chief is 4 meters tall and looks like he has about 4" of man. This is not realistic, amirite ladies?

-Spike Grenades don't stick to walls, or people. I sticky taped knives to bottle and threw it at my sister. When it hit her it just fell down and broke. As if it would actually stick.

-You can't flip vehicles without a crane. I drove my Dad's new 2007 Chevy Camaro into a skate park and managed to flip it. Once it was over, nothing could get it to flip. In Halo, you can do it with the flick of your wrist.

-In Halo, the birds have shields. I threw a stone at my neighbor's parrot. It didn't have a shield, so it died. More dreaded lies form Bungie.

-My Dad said that if we charged a woman with flying a ship, that she would crash it. **Edit: Miranda Keyes crashed and destroyed the first ship, and didn't live long enough to destroy the other. Criticism withdrawn.

I'm not all criticism either. Here are some ways that would make Halo as good as Pokemon Snap[/b]:

-'Halo' should be a giant Pokemon.

[b]What Pokemon Snap has that Halo doesn't but should have[/b]:

-Pokemon

-Lots of balls

-A magic flute

[b]What Pokemon Snap hasn't got that Halo does but shouldn't have[/b]:

-Absence of Pokemon

-The Arbiter

-Absence of Pokemon

-Guns

[b]Discuss.[/b]

category: 
game: 
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Comments

are you joking or an idiot?

[quote=Anonymous]are you joking or an idiot?[/quote]

Yes. Yes I am. I also have a sense of humor.

I lol'd for like 10 minutes.

[quote=Trindacut][quote=Anonymous]are you joking or an idiot?[/quote]

Yes. Yes I am. I also have a sense of humor.[/quote]

It wasn't really that funny, but I appreciate what you were attempting, so kudos for that.

Haha.
That actually made me laugh.

I feel bad for the rest of you idiots with no sense of humor.

are you joking or an idiot

are you crazy

I thought it was sort of obvious, but in case it wasn't, the story was even tagged "humor" in case your sarcasm detectors somehow failed to go off...

http://rampancy.net/taxonomy/term/30


Rampant for over se7en years.

The "humor" tag may be a bit gracious.

I'm disappointed in Halo 3. It's still a good game, and I understand why so many love to defend it. But, I have a hard time taking community pillars like you and Louis Wu seriously sometimes. Because, you, and so many others, are so dogmatically defensive when it comes to this game.

I'm sure it has a ton to do with the childish hate the game gets from the other side, but that doesn't make it called for.

I appreciate that both of you are at least willing to post differing views, but whenever that oportunity is granted, it's usually not without a snide quip about how silly the dissenting opinion really is. Such as Wu calling the recent criticism posted on Rampancy a "completely different language." Such as the mean spirit (mostly from Wu) to anyone who criticized Halo 2 in an effort to defend aspects of the game that Bungie would later admit were bad.

Halo 3 is a great game, in all of the extra awesomeness that comes with it. Things like saved films, forge, and bungie.net. But, unfortunately, the game play is honestly (honestly) way too similar to Halo 2, which was a game that, as I said, Bungie eventually admitted issues with. And if they are willing to admit to small issues, reading between the lines makes it easy to see that they were actually bigger than that.

I love this series of games. I pray that it continues, and that we don't have to wait forever for that to happen. But, I'm willing to admit there are definitely issues in the game. And, I find it a shame, that guys who are so big in the community, who I do have a lot of respect for, aren't willing to admit that as well. And, I'm not just talking about admitting to bugs or something like that. I'm talking about issues in core, game-play mechanics.

[quote=Anonymous]The "humor" tag may be a bit gracious.

I'm disappointed in Halo 3. It's still a good game, and I understand why so many love to defend it. But, I have a hard time taking community pillars like you and Louis Wu seriously sometimes. Because, you, and so many others, are so dogmatically defensive when it comes to this game.

I'm sure it has a ton to do with the childish hate the game gets from the other side, but that doesn't make it called for.

I appreciate that both of you are at least willing to post differing views, but whenever that oportunity is granted, it's usually not without a snide quip about how silly the dissenting opinion really is. Such as Wu calling the recent criticism posted on Rampancy a "completely different language." Such as the mean spirit (mostly from Wu) to anyone who criticized Halo 2 in an effort to defend aspects of the game that Bungie would later admit were bad.

Halo 3 is a great game, in all of the extra awesomeness that comes with it. Things like saved films, forge, and bungie.net. But, unfortunately, the game play is honestly (honestly) way too similar to Halo 2, which was a game that, as I said, Bungie eventually admitted issues with. And if they are willing to admit to small issues, reading between the lines makes it easy to see that they were actually bigger than that.

I love this series of games. I pray that it continues, and that we don't have to wait forever for that to happen. But, I'm willing to admit there are definitely issues in the game. And, I find it a shame, that guys who are so big in the community, who I do have a lot of respect for, aren't willing to admit that as well. And, I'm not just talking about admitting to bugs or something like that. I'm talking about issues in core, game-play mechanics.[/quote]
You know, an "lol" would have sufficed.

[b]- Dave[/b]

[quote=Anonymous]But, I have a hard time taking community pillars like you and Louis Wu seriously sometimes. Because, you, and so many others, are so dogmatically defensive when it comes to this game.[/quote]

Heh - I am?

[quote]
I appreciate that both of you are at least willing to post differing views, but whenever that oportunity is granted, it's usually not without a snide quip about how silly the dissenting opinion really is. Such as Wu calling the recent criticism posted on Rampancy a "completely different language." Such as the mean spirit (mostly from Wu) to anyone who criticized Halo 2 in an effort to defend aspects of the game that Bungie would later admit were bad.
[/quote]

Now you're simply being unfair.

That wasn't a snide quip - it was an honest opinion. We're not using the same words to mean the same thing, he and I; in order to have a dialogue, I'd have had to start by defining my terms. I don't have time for that.

As for a mean spirit whenever folks criticise Halo 2? Um... I just did a quick search; here are 4 reviews that are, for the most part, pretty negative. Do you see my newsposts as being mean-spirited?

http://halo.bungie.org/news.html?item=11390
http://halo.bungie.org/news.html?item=11489
http://halo.bungie.org/news.html?item=11583
http://halo.bungie.org/news.html?item=16661

(Hint: if you do, you're being pigheaded.)

[quote]
I love this series of games. I pray that it continues, and that we don't have to wait forever for that to happen.
[/quote]

Huh. I'm fine if it ends here, personally. I don't need a non-Bungie Halo 4, myself.

[quote]But, I'm willing to admit there are definitely issues in the game. And, I find it a shame, that guys who are so big in the community, who I do have a lot of respect for, aren't willing to admit that as well. And, I'm not just talking about admitting to bugs or something like that. I'm talking about issues in core, game-play mechanics.[/quote]

If you truly believe that Narcogen and I don't have issues with the games, then you're reading very selectively. BOTH of us have expressed concerns and disappointments in the past - likely both of us will do so again in the future.

Yes, I occasionally make snide comments in the news - but it's not a universal thing, and it CERTAINLY isn't only one-sided. The fact that you saw my newspost about VVV's rant as snide says more about how you're choosing to perceive my coverage than it says about me.

(Not really sure why I bothered with this - I'm serious, I DON'T have time for this kind of stuff.)

Ok; here's a better rebuttal.

It's Wu's website, if he thinks someone's talking nonsense, he can say whatever he wants about it.

And I agree on the realism! Plus, everyone knows that you can't kill a swarm of insects that are out for your blood no matter how hard you try :D

[quote=Anonymous]The "humor" tag may be a bit gracious.[/quote]

I think the tagging system is supposed to measure intent, not result. Especially with regard to subjective labels like "humor". To each his or her own.

[quote=Anonymous]I'm disappointed in Halo 3. It's still a good game, and I understand why so many love to defend it. But, I have a hard time taking community pillars like you and Louis Wu seriously sometimes. Because, you, and so many others, are so dogmatically defensive when it comes to this game.[/quote]

I'll enthusiastically defend my assessment of each game in the series because if I didn't feel I was pretty justified in coming to certain conclusions I wouldn't waste time expressing them in as many words as I use. I don't defend the games themselves because they aren't mine to defend.

[quote=Anonymous]I'm sure it has a ton to do with the childish hate the game gets from the other side, but that doesn't make it called for.[/quote]

Most of that I ignore. For evidence, see certain specific portions of this thread. :)

[quote=Anonymous]I appreciate that both of you are at least willing to post differing views, but whenever that oportunity is granted, it's usually not without a snide quip about how silly the dissenting opinion really is. Such as Wu calling the recent criticism posted on Rampancy a "completely different language." Such as the mean spirit (mostly from Wu) to anyone who criticized Halo 2 in an effort to defend aspects of the game that Bungie would later admit were bad.[/quote]

That's unfair. I'm way, WAY more mean-spirited than Wu.

[quote=Anonymous]Halo 3 is a great game, in all of the extra awesomeness that comes with it. Things like saved films, forge, and bungie.net.[/quote]

Then we agree!

[quote=Anonymous]But, unfortunately, the game play is honestly (honestly) way too similar to Halo 2, which was a game that, as I said, Bungie eventually admitted issues with. And if they are willing to admit to small issues, reading between the lines makes it easy to see that they were actually bigger than that.[/quote]

Bungie plays head games around the story but when it comes to game mechanics they've been pretty transparent. In fact, at times they've been too transparent-- I believe after one GDC presentation they started being a bit more secretive, after having spent a couple hours revealing how Halo's AI works.

What you're describing above is the usual scenario: someone took a statement made by Bungie, projected their own individual hopes and wishes onto it, and then were disappointed when those hopes and wishes went unfulfilled, disregarding the fact that nothing was actually said or done to encourage them.

[quote=Anonymous]I love this series of games. I pray that it continues, and that we don't have to wait forever for that to happen. But, I'm willing to admit there are definitely issues in the game. And, I find it a shame, that guys who are so big in the community, who I do have a lot of respect for, aren't willing to admit that as well. And, I'm not just talking about admitting to bugs or something like that. I'm talking about issues in core, game-play mechanics.[/quote]

I find it hard to reconcile the statements "I love this series of games" with "issues in core, game-play mechanics".

Perhaps rather than rehashing what is WRONG with Halo 2 and Halo 3, which has been done ad nauseam since 2004, why not explain what it is you LIKE about the game?

From my perspective, Halo is a victim of its own success. It has one or more elements that appeal to such a broad segment of the audience that there are people who can love it for such entirely different reasons that people are hardly able to communicate to each other the things they like about it, let alone the things they don't. There seem to be a lot of people, like yourself and others, that seem to like the games but want X, Y and Z changed-- oblivious to the fact that X, Y and Z being the way they are may be an integral part of why other people LIKE the game.


Rampant for over se7en years.

Funny, I noticed the same things about Halo 3, overall I'm truely dissapointed about its lack of realism.

XD

I don't believe that my respect for you and Wu came through as much as I would have liked in my first reply. I really wish I could find sites like yours for COD4 (am I just missing them?).

Maybe I miss a lot of what you guys say. I do subscribe to each of your rss feeds, so I see most of the items. But, there's a lot that I miss too. I'm just saying, from my perspective, it seems like there are so many times when I'm reading a link to a negative review, that half-way through the post about that review, I'm thinking, "cool, they are giving a voice to the *respectful* dissenters". Only to read that the rest of the post is a smack about how irrelevant the dissenting opinion is.

Maybe it really isn't that way, but, at least to me, that is a lot of what I see.

I love this series, because I love the story and the game is definitely fun. As you said, it just set some lofty expectations that in some areas it met. In others, it didn't get close.

[quote=Anonymous]I don't believe that my respect for you and Wu came through as much as I would have liked in my first reply. I really wish I could find sites like yours for COD4 (am I just missing them?).[/quote]

I'm not sure there are very many games that have the range of fansites that Halo and Bungie have, at least in terms of both range and depth. Being a popular, successful game isn't quite enough. I doubt, for instance, that there will every be a "Call of Duty Story Page" that will still be a worthwhile read ten years after the game's first release, for instance.

[quote=Anonymous]Maybe I miss a lot of what you guys say. I do subscribe to each of your rss feeds, so I see most of the items. But, there's a lot that I miss too. [/quote]

Wu's comments are probably harder to compile as they're spread out among countless news items, but for mine look no further than http://rampancy.net/halo2impressions which could be seen as a laundry list of complaints.

[quote=Anonymous]I'm just saying, from my perspective, it seems like there are so many times when I'm reading a link to a negative review, that half-way through the post about that review, I'm thinking, "cool, they are giving a voice to the *respectful* dissenters". Only to read that the rest of the post is a smack about how irrelevant the dissenting opinion is.[/quote]

I think of them more as coherent dissenters. Just because I feel about Bungie a certain way doesn't mean other people, or even other fans, need to feel that way. So the issue is not being respectful or not. It's more a question of whether the dissent is presented in such a way that invites engagement and discussion or not. When it's just a wall of poorly-spelled profanities and invective, there's really nothing to engage with.

VVV's piece wasn't like that at all, which is why I pointed it out.

Wu's problem with it isn't that it's incoherent, but that he lacks enough common ground with his view of the game to discuss it quickly. I have a bit more time on my hands, so I don't bother getting into the nitty gritty of taking something point by point and saying whether I agree or disagree. I'm naturally contentious, so a lot of the time what I'm going to bother singling out will be points of disagreement.

[quote=Anonymous]Maybe it really isn't that way, but, at least to me, that is a lot of what I see.[/quote]

I think the issue is that when Wu sees a counterpoint that is so completely outside his own experience of the game any remark he makes is going to seem dismissive, and since I tend to focus on points of disagreement rather than agreement, I will seem contentious. C'est la vie.

[quote=Anonymous]I love this series, because I love the story and the game is definitely fun. As you said, it just set some lofty expectations that in some areas it met. In others, it didn't get close.[/quote]

Such as? I hardly think it's a perfect game. In fact, I've been accused of both nitpicking Halo 3 to death and being a Halo 3 apologist just in the few weeks since release. I just haven't begun my Halo 3 Impressions series yet to detail them because I need to "live with" the game for a bit longer, first.

That, and have a working 360.


Rampant for over se7en years.

Trindacut, I agree with you that Bungie treat Cortana as Master Chief's girlfriend - this really does piss me off and makes me think if the people at Bungie really are.. men?

However, the spike grenade is soo damn large and heavy that it easily bites into armor/walls. If Halo was too realistic, it wouldn't be Halo. And just remember Halo 3 is futuristic.

But STILL, Halo 1 still had the best campaign, I don't understand why Bungie didn't do as well with Halo 3, the levels in Halo 3 are large but there are soo many damn invisible barriers that make you feel like you're being cut off everywhere, so it seems small.

Halo 4 better own, and I really hope Cortana doesn't have sex with Master Chief (Bungie R nubs).

Regards,
Hik

Funny, in a strange way...

what the F i mean, what the F!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are a true idiot. "pokemon" what are you smokin, pass some of that shi to me it must be good. i know it is a joke. come on is the dumbist one i have ever herd. think harde or dose that hert.

[quote=Anonymous]think harde or dose that hert. [/quote]
....lol.

[quote=Anonymous]what the F i mean, what the F!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are a true idiot. "pokemon" what are you smokin, pass some of that shi to me it must be good. i know it is a joke. come on is the dumbist one i have ever herd. think harde or dose that hert. [/quote]
Oh the sweet sweet irony lol...

[quote=Anonymous]what the F i mean, what the F!!!!!!!!!!!!! you are a true idiot. "pokemon" what are you smokin, pass some of that shi to me it must be good. i know it is a joke. come on is the dumbist one i have ever herd. think harde or dose that hert. [/quote]

apparently it hurts too much to even spell right.
or maybe.. he found out what that guy was "smokin" and turned into the "dumbist" "shi" i have ever "herd"
at least he knows its a joke, though, right?

just realized that what i wrote doesnt really make sense. oh well.

You're probably one of the people that likes to get a rise out of others by being stupid. Tazer anybody?

Bwahaha this was [i]hilarious.[/i] I almost died at the Miranda Keyes part.

Only complaint - come on, 2007 Camaro? It's not out till '09... ;)

hahaha, that's awesome. right on man, pokemon snap is WAY more realistic!

Oh my sweet lord I loved this. HAHAH. I need to go play Snap, I always adored that game.

ur stupid pokemon snap sucks and pokemon has a lot of stuff thats make beilieve 2 idiot dam u must be a nerd

[quote=Anonymous]ur stupid pokemon snap sucks and pokemon has a lot of stuff thats make beilieve 2 idiot dam u must be a nerd[/quote]

Read the piece again, I think you may have missed the point.

Then again, perhaps you'd be better off waiting a few years first.

We'll wait.


Rampant for over se7en years.

I think you all need to grow some bloody balls. It was a joke, a satirical piece intended only for humor. You're all sad, get a life. kthxbai.